Haha....Thanks. Oh yeah, I've read your latest work and as always....GREAT work That's our only problem. LAZINESS...haha I'm trying to write a story, too, in FF net. I don't know, maybe you could read it and give some pointers on how to write a great story? My acct name there is springrain28. I only have 2 stories there yet maybe I'll add more.
Well for one thing, it's always useful to plan some things out in advance and work your way towards it slowly. Sometimes if you make things move too quickly, the story may seem a bit too rushed.
I have a bit of trouble with that myself. Another thing I've noticed is that you have too much dialogue right after one another. You should try to put in more description sentences to separate them. This way the flow of the story moves better.
Again, I also have this problem. I've been trying to fix this problem slowly over the years and over my works.
One thing that I've noticed is that you make the characters seem to really like Haru a lot. Like in the first chapter, I was a bit surprised with how Hibari acted. I feel if Haru was taken he would be a bit more subtle about the way he felt. Gokudera is very loyal to Tsuna. He wouldn't do anything like trying to steal his woman.
So with the question he asked and all that, it just made me think. Not saying it's wrong though! Of course you are very free to write what you want.
Just thought I'd give you the suggestion that you should have a bit more 2786 scenes. The way the story is progressing is that Haru doesn't love Tsuna at all, and Tsuna is never around. So this is now a case of Haru trying to find someone else to love.
Sounds a bit scandalous. (If you want that kind of a story then go for it, you're setting up the story quite nicely) If you want the story to be of how Haru is torn whether to be loyal to her lover or to find someone else, you should have more 2786 scenes. This way, she can realize why she loves Tsuna. She wants to be loyal to him.
These scenes will return the flow to the story. Then when you feel like it, you can have the other guardians slowly warm up to her. With this, Haru will slowly get confused over who she loves more. Tsuna will then get a bit suspicious of relationships and yada yada, you can think of that for yourself. 8)
So, don't be afraid to have some chapters that don't show any relationship development at all. Some chapters that have more of an everyday feel work nicelyh as well. If a story is too full of romantic developments, it may make the story seem like it's going too quickly. Some people like that and some others don't.
Depending on what you like, write however you feel like.
If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask and I will do my best. Though remember, I'm not a professional writer or anything so what I say is NOT law. Just do what you think is right. ^^
Okay let me summarize my answers...... First,that's what I thought when I wrote it but then again i finished it like that. I'll try to elaborate more of what's happening in the latest chapters.
Oh, don't worry about that. I have lots more of 2786 moments after, I think 1 more chapter. There, I'll explain about them and why Tsuna always having excuses. I already have the ending of this story. It's kind of sad though.